


The Hardships of a Woman

by YuMe89



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Apple Tree References, Female Aziraphale (Good Omens), Other, kind of, someones going to die, well for a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 14:17:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuMe89/pseuds/YuMe89
Summary: Hey there!I'm new to this Fandom, but after sitting on 4 different fanfictions for over a week,I kind of need to let them loose one at a time.Had a dark phase, where I couldn't work up the nerve to do anything at all, but Good Omens gave me somethingthat I can't ignore. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing this! :)If you do find any words misspelled, please tell me, english is not my mother tongue.Special thanks go to Pheonix_Rose, the fact she(?) wanted to be notified when I'm uploading something, encouraged me to do it now.You totally need to check out her fics, they are the cutest!





	The Hardships of a Woman

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!  
> I'm new to this Fandom, but after sitting on 4 different fanfictions for over a week,  
> I kind of need to let them loose one at a time. 
> 
> Had a dark phase, where I couldn't work up the nerve to do anything at all, but Good Omens gave me something  
> that I can't ignore. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing this! :)  
> If you do find any words misspelled, please tell me, english is not my mother tongue.
> 
> Special thanks go to Pheonix_Rose, the fact she(?) wanted to be notified when I'm uploading something, encouraged me to do it now.  
> You totally need to check out her fics, they are the cutest!

# The Hardship of a Woman

  
  


It was a slightly damp day, like most of the days had been in England, 1650.

Aziraphale stood under one of his apple trees on his small Cottage garden, when Crowley sauntered up next to him. 

"Fancy meeting you here.", he drawled. "Shut it.", unknown hostility coming of off the Angel, as he looked up at his frenemy.

"Now now, that is not polite for a young woman to be talking like that.", he reprimanded, the smile visible, even to the blind.

"You are the reason I am in this situation.", Aziraphale hissed, his eyes throwing daggers at Crowley. They were the sharpest he could muster up in this state.

  
  


"How was I to know, Heaven would give you _this_ body?", he asked, all innocent, making a large gesture towards his friend. 

"That is not the point and you know it! You disincorporated me!", the Angel was clearly angry and looked betrayed.

"You wanted to thwart me. It was either you or me, ending up disincorporated and I didn't want it to be me this time."

Crowley shrugged and picked one of the apples right of the tree. "What do you call yourself now, Misssss...?"

"Aria Fell. Didn't want to change it too much.", he pouted.

"You think, anyone will throw us out of their garden, Miss Fell, if you tempt me to eat this?", he said, smiling showing Aziraphale the shining red apple with a smirk dancing on his lips. "The only one being thrown out would be you, as it is my garden we are standing in."[1] The Demon was surprised at that. "Since when are you allowed to own a house, without being married?"

"It's a miracle."-"Ah."

He took a large bite from the apple and held it towards the Angel. "Want some? It's delicious." But Aziraphale didn't look at him. In fact, he looked at someone in the garden next door. "No, thank you.", he said. "That would seem like an accepted marriage proposal to them and it's hard enough to maintain all the miracles already. Everyone is suspicious about me. I just want to read, for Heavens Sake."

Not in any other century had Aziraphale sounded so done with everything. [2]

"I'll come up with something."-"Hm?"-"Nothing.", said Crowley and walked away, leaving a confused Angel.

  
  


°°°

  
  


One of Aziraphales neighbours had invited him to have dinner with them. The first thing he noticed were how many other women were present, the second thing was, that there were an equal number of men. The third was Crowley. [3]

"It's nice to have all of you here with us.", said Aziraphales neighbour, a woman in her fourties. He kind of forgot her name and waited for anyone at this point to say it aloud. Crowley looked at him suspicious, obviously being invited without any information either. He raised one of his eyebrows, getting a slight shrug in return from the Angel. 

"All of you wonderful people are in need of a partner. So, my husband and I thought, it would be nice to matchmake.", Misses Burnett smiled, her round cheeks looking even more full. "Young Ladies, every Gentleman in this room is able to provide for you and I know, that you are very capable to lead a household and even read and write!", her enthusiasm was as powerful, as Crowleys disgust for the whole thing.

"I-I thought this was just dinner?", Aziraphale asked, non-plussed. "Oh, Miss Fell, I'm sorry, but I thought it would be nice for everyone to get to know each other." The Angel huffed a little, unbeknown to Misses Burnett and then smiled friendly without meaning it at all. "How does this work, anyway?", Crowley asked, feightning interest, while his eyes locked with Aziraphales once in a while, through his tinted glasses. He hoped the Angel got his hint, he couldn't let anyone chat him up. He wasn't interested in any of those human woman, no matter how beautiful.

"Oh, we're going to eat, first, have a light conversation here and than we will go over to our Music Room, where everyone can talk to whom they want to talk to.", Misses Burnett said excited. This old Hag had it all planned out, Crowley was sure she even paired them up in her mind already. He wasn't even hungry, Aziraphale on the other hand seemed like a duck taking to water.

The Angel was in a quite faszinating conversation right now, as Crowley watched him. This fellow thought he could talk up his friend? Not as long as the Demon was alive! He thought about what to say, but was interrupted by someone else. "Miss Fell, would you mind joining me in the Music Room, after this?", a guy next to Crowley asked und Aziraphale blushed a little. Obviously realizing how many of the man wanted to talk to him.

"That won't be possible, I'm afraid. Miss Fell will accompany me.", he said, staring his Angel down, until he complied. Aziraphale looked flustered. "I'm- Oh- Yes, Mister Crowley asked me a long while ago, I'm sorry. A promise shouldn't be broken.", he smiled fondly. Crowley felt satisfaction at the jealousy of all those other man, but to be fair, Heaven had outdone themselves, by giving Aziraphale this body. He was breathtakingly beautiful and younger than usual.

His hair was blonde like always, but this time he had long wavy locks and his face looked like one of those porcelain dolls, long dark lashes framing big blue eyes. He didn't look older than twenty. Normally, Crowley wouldn't see him as anything else, his Angel friend, but this time, even he was tempted to just stare at his gorgeous face. Aziraphale was in all aspects an Angel.

They ate, every now and then, someone tried to get the Demon to take part in a conversation, but it was useless. He wasn't interested and eceptionally delighted, as it was over and he could take Aziraphale to a nice quiet spot.

  
  


°°°

  
  


"So", he started, getting Aziraphales attention."Found any suitable Gentleman to marry?" He had tried for nonchalant, but landed on nervous. Aziraphale didn't notice though. "Not really. You?", they both had a wineglass in hand, but even tough they drank rather often from it, never had to go and refill their glasses. "I don't think they would be happy, if I found a gentleman to marry.", Crowley clarified, a playful smirk on his lips.

"You know what I mean, don't play dumb."-"No, not really. I don't want to marry a human in general. Do you? Aziraphale seemed to ponder on that quetion, brows carefully drawn together. "...No, but I feel so drained. Everyday on multiple occasions, I have to explain, why I'm alone and I don't want to distract them anymore." "And your conclusion issss?", Crowley asked, draining all his wine at once. He felt adequatly tipsy now.

"I think I should go somewhere else. A quiet place, without that many people.", he sounded sad, which made the Demon sad. Crowley put his glass on the chimney and leaned against it, more like slouched. "You really think, that that would be a solution? They will just think of you as a lonely witch." "Do you have a better idea?", huffed Aziraphale, already drunk off his ass. Not very ladylike. "I even thought about joining the ongoing war to get disincorporated, but Netzach told me, I had to do my own paperwork Upstairs, if my body dies again. And that he would make sure that it takes longer than necessary, so I won't be back for a long time after.", he complained, pouted even.

"I could marry you and leave you alone in your cute little cottage to read. You know, business and all." "Yeah, tempting people and being overall evil, I know.", the Angel agreed, brows knit together again in disappointment. "But would you? Marry me, that is?", Crowley asked again and Aziraphale didn't have a way to avoid answering again. "Uhm. Maybe? I mean, why not? It's just a human concept, Heaven or Hell won't need to know about it.", he rambled, waging the pros and cons, while refilling his glass again. Before Aziraphale could take another swig, Crowley took the glass out of his hands. 

"I think you had enough, Angel. Your body isn't used to this amount of alcohol."

Swaying on his feet, the Angel nodded. "I think you're right."

"What did you do to her, you sinister looking pillock!", the guy who had sat beside Aziraphale at the dinnertable, stood between them now and glared at Crowley. "Better stop now, before you regret it.", the Demon said completely at ease. 

Aziraphale blinked long, not quite steady on his feet. "You should listen to him and stop.", he mumbled. 

"You gave her too much to drink! What is your intention with her?!", the exasperated fellow said. Crowley leaned a bit towards the young lad, his glasses sliding down just a fraction and looked him in the eyes.

"First of all, I didn't, she drank it herself. And second of all, I don't know, maybe marry and have my wicked way with her, but that's non of your business.", he hissed, putting his glasses back in place. The young man gulped, he could have sworn this man had snakelike eyes. Either way, he felt intimidated and took a few steps back, before leaving altogether. 

"That wasn't nice.", reprimanded Aziraphale, a blush on his cheeks forming. "He was shook.", he hiccuped, which sounded rather adorable. "I know, but I'm not nice, you know that, Azi- Aria.", he corrected himself, as soon as one of the woman walked by, a lot closer than necessary. 

"It's pretty nice of you, to watch out for me.", he said smiling, still drunk. 

Crowley rolled his eyes. There was nothing he could say, it was true.

  
  


°°°

  
  


Aziraphale sat in the middle of his herbal garden, tending to it. The first thing Crowley noticed, was the Angels content smile, as he seemed to pluck weeds out from between his mint and thymian. He stopped, took in the scene and realised, he also stopped breathing, not that he really needed to, but old habits die hard and all that. He was irritated. Shaking his head, he continued towards his friend.

"Aziraphale!", he said loud enough to get his attention. He was met with a shocked look, followed by recognition. The Angel must have been very deep in his thoughts. Then came a blinding smile. "Crowley, nice to see you. What brings you here?"-"Work.", the smile was gone. He started to pluck the weeds a little harder than he needed to. Ignoring Crowley all the while.

"Oh, come on, don't be like this. It was a joke. I'm here because of you.", he sauntered over to his friend, who stood up immediately. "What do you want?", he was met with annoyence. "Ah, good, you're standing. That will make it much easier.", he bent down on one knee, making a face while doing so. He hated to ruin his pants.

"Will you marry me?", he asked, a little clinical and presented a thick gold ring, that looked like two feathers touching and a creast in the middle[4]. Much bolder, than he assumed would be a wedding ring for a woman.

Aziraphale looked around, suddenly nervous, found his nosy neighbours[5] and looked back at Crowley. "Yes.", he simply said and all but thrust his right hand towards his friend. "I need your left hand, Love.", he said, both his eyebrows dancing devilish. The ring fit perfectly and Aziraphale admired it. "Did you steal it, dear?" "No! I paid for it. Real money, that I might or might not have gambled out of some poor lad. Doesn't matter. The jeweler designed it for me, just the way I wanted it."

"It's- quite beautiful. Thank you.", Aziraphale stammered, a bit flushed. 

  
  


°°°

  
  


Their wedding had been big enough, that noone would have to ask Aziraphale about marriage again. Crowley kind of lived with him. He was often away, to human ears on business trips, to Aziraphale he just went to his own apartment to sleep uninterrupted. So the Angel had time to consume book after book, when suddenly in a small Café month after their wedding, he was met with a few women of his neighbourhood. 

"Oh, Miss Crowley! So nice to see you here!", for a few seconds, Aziraphale wasn't sure who they meant, until his goldring fell into sight. "Well, hello there! How have you all been?", he smiled, generally happy. "Oh, you know us, much to do, kids to raise.", she arched her eyebrow at the Angel. "I assume you will know yourself how that is, not far into the future, I hope." Aziraphale was stunned. Did they expect him to get pregnant? Marriage was one thing, but a whole pregnancy won't go unnoticed by Heaven or Hell. Furthermore, he wasn't even sure if they could create something like that, sure it would cancel itself out, right?

While he thought about this, he was asked all kinds of questions. He had tuned them all out, until: "Didn't you consummate the marriage?", one of the woman had asked. "Pardon?", Aziraphale wasn't sure he had heard it right.

"We just thought, if you consummated the marriage, there should already be a little Mister Crowley or Misses Crowley on the way...?" "Uhm...we-a...we did, of course, but, well, we weren't blessed, unfortunately.", he stuttered, embaressed to be talking about it. Just to think, he and Crowley...Heaven forbid.

"Well, you have to try more often, for it to work then.", another woman said. "My husband and I did it every night, until one day, we were blessed with a child. Took us over a month."  
"Yeah, I had the same experience. And to be honest, it could be a worse way to get pregnant."

They all laughed and Aziraphale felt left out. He didn't know anything about what they were talking right now. Yes, of course he knew the basics, but he never tried it. He was completely inexpierienced. "Uhm, I-I don't know...", he stammered. "Oh Lord, is he big?", a younger woman asked. Aziraphale blushed, without knowing why. "Y-Yes? I mean, obviously...", Crowley was indeed bigger than him. He didn't know how that was relevant. "My husband too...we use oil, to make it more slippery, it helps a lot.", one provided and suddenly the Angel knew what the other had meant. 

He coughed and quickley drank some tea. He was not going to think about Crowleys bits! He wasn't! [6]

"I-I need to go home, my- my- husband is home, he might expect dinner to be ready soon.", he said and stood up, all but fleeing this situation. If only he knew what to say to Crowley. If he should even bother him with any of this. 

To his surprise, Crowley really was home and apparently waiting for him. "There you are! Where have you been?", he asked, smiling at Aziraphale, who promply blushed and stared at his friends crotch. "Uh- I- There was- I had-"-"Aziraphale!"-"They want us to have Sex!", he said suddenly, suprising himself more than Crowley. The Demon took off his glasses and watched him closely. "Who exactly are you talking about?" Aziraphale sighed and took a seat in the livingroom, where Crowley had been occupying one of their plush sofas.

"The other women. They wanted to know, why I wasn't pregnant and they asked all kinds of questions... We didn't even kiss and I had to lie and-"-"I understood the first part, but now you're not making sense again." He sat up a little straighter. [7]

"Breathe, Angel. And then you start over.", the demon tried to calm him down.

Aziraphale did take a huge breath and then another. "We didn't even kiss, Crowley, if the peck on the lips on our wedding day doesn't count, and they brought up so many things, I didn't even want to think about."-"Like what?" 

"Sex and-and if you were big."-"Well, obviously...", was the sarcastic answer. "No...down...there.", Aziraphale pointed at Crowleys crotch and blushed again. Crowley followed where he was pointing with his eyes and suddenly began to smirk. "Oh, yes, there too.", he said nonchalant. Aziraphale mouth formed a perfect 'O' shape. "I didn't want to know!", he said exasperate, hiding his face behind both hands.

"What are you doing?"-"Trying to forget the whole conversation."-"Does it work?"-"No."

A few minutes passed, Crowles had miracled both of them tea. "What else did they say?"

"Oh, just how good Sex is and how long it took them to get pregnant.", he answered, preparing his tea. "Well, can't say it's not good. Don't know about pregnancies, though.", as Crowley said this, he already felt Aziraphales eyes upon him.

"You had-...when?", now it was the Angels turn to wonder. "Do you remember Rome? Well, let's just say, I didn't eat oysters...", he said.

"Oh. That explains a lot...", the Angel said, head cocked to the side. And all this time, he thought Crowley was avoiding him, but he just slept with a lot of people as it seemed. Well, he had looked quite dashing with his shiny red hair and the golden headband, he supposed.

  
  


°°°

  
  


Aziraphale still got stalked by one of the guys from Misses Burnetts dinner party. He believed his name was something like Hanger or was it Banger? He wasn't sure, but the Angel had to do a few Temptations to stop him, Miracles weren't enough for his persistence.

He wasn't hard on the eyes, but Aziraphale was in no way interested. "Miss Fell!", he heard him say, as he sat under the apple tree, reading one of his favorite books. Hanger-Banger-or-something walked over to the Angel. "For the last time, I need you to inform, that my name is Crowley now and it's Misses, not Miss. I am a married woman now."

"I don't accept this, Mister Crowley is in no way suitable for you! I even think he's entangled in some sinister ways!", the young guy said. Not knowing how true his words were. "I don't think-"-"That it should be any of your concern, what I do for a living.", Crowley interrupted Aziraphale, appearing out of thin air, as it seemed. [8]

Even the Angel was perplexed, but might have a distinct grasp for where he came from. "What is your name, anyway? Never could quite catch that.", the Serpent said. "I'm Herold Banker.", the young lad said, refusing to shake hands with Crowley. [9] "Yeah, well, I don't really care, you need to stop harassing my wife."-"Or what?", he dared. "Or you will regret ever crossing paths with me.", there he said it. The Demon was so done, even though he never liked to kill Humans himself, this one made it very clear to him, that it would be okay to make an exception.

Hell, he wanted to murder him so bad, with his own hands.

"Maybe she wants me here and you gone?", Harold asked, his pointy nose turned upwards in a daring fashion. "I don't think so.", Crowley sounded so done. This conversation seemed to make him angry and bored at the same time. Aziraphale stood up from his cozy place on the ground and Crowleys eyes flitted towards him for a second. 

Without any further notice, he grabbed the Angel around the waist with one arm and kissed him in a possesive way. Normally, he wouldn't cross this line without telling his friend, but he just wanted this lad gone. And maybe hurt him on his way there. 

Aziraphale was completely shocked, but after a while, melted into the kiss, as if it wasn't their first one ever. It was nice, Crowley had one hand on his cheek and stroke it with his thump. It relaxed Aziraphale and he absorbed this feeling like a dry sponge in a waterbowl. He had never felt so loved.

Both didn't register, that Banker was already gone, stomping away angry. Jealousy coming off of him in waves. Their kiss ended and they looked each other in the eyes. "I'm sorry.", Crowley said, his voice husky. He let go of the Angel and went inside. Distance was a good idea, he thought to himself. Crowley really didn't want to be disincorporated by Aziraphale for that kiss. [10]

Aziraphale was frozen to the spot, he felt things he had never felt before. "Better not investigate...", he said to himself and sat down again, opening the book he had put down earlier. He just stared at the page before him, unable to read a single word. 

  
  


°°°

  
  


Crowley was screwed, he just knew. He looked at their wedding picture hanging in the livingroom. Even though they had to stand there for at least four hours on multiple days, Aziraphales smile never wavered. He himself made a face as though he didn't want to be there. Which was not true, it had been his idea after all. It would be better for both of them, if he took a few weeks and concentrated on tempting people. By the time he would be back, this whole ordeal might have been forgotten. 

The sun was going down and he heard footsteps. Their backdoor opened and Aziraphale walked in, closing the door with a final click. Crowley stopped pacing, didn't even notice he had done it in the first place. He wanted to say something, but Aziraphale shook his head.

"It's...okay, kind of.", he said nodding a bit while searching for the right words. This time Crowley interrupted him. "It isn't, I think I should go away for a bit." Aziraphale looked hurt. "No, dear, you did it for the right reasons, I'm grateful for that, it worked."

"The problem is not, that I did it. I want to do it again and that's not right.", Crowley admitted, taking his glasses off and pinching the bridge of his nose were they normally sat. Putting them into his pocket right after. As he looked back at Aziraphale, he saw his expression and knew instantly, he wasn't alone with his desire to kiss again.

They were like magnets, really, the Angel just seemed to be a stronger kind to Crowley, because he was there in an instant, pushing Aziraphale against the door behind him. If they had been mortal, they would feel the need to take a breath inbetween, but luckiely, they weren't. It was the kind of kiss, two lovers shared after not seeing eachother for months. They devoured eachother, Crowleys hands fluttering lightly over the Angels body, unsure of what would be okay and what not. In the end, he put them on Aziraphales hips, pressing his own against him.

He had never wanted anything in his long life as much as this. Even if they just kissed, it was much more intimate, as any sexual interaction he had had in his whole life. It felt as if their very core, their souls touched and the light almost blinded him. 

Crowley broke their kiss, reminded himself that he could in fact breath and rested his forhead against the Angels. He felt Aziraphales hands on his chest, gripping his jacket, as they looked into the others eyes. The Demon saw pure Lust in his Angels blue ones, which were almost black at the moment. He knew his own couldn't look any different. He wanted, oh he wanted so much, but he knew, they shouldn't cross the line. Not more than they already had.

"Angel", he whispered, his mouth was sealed with a light kiss from Aziraphale for a second. It felt like heartbreak. "We shouldn't do this. We could get in a lot of trouble, _you_ could get in a lot of trouble. I most certainly would get a reward for tempting you.", he said, sure he would regret it some day. "I know.", Aziraphale let go of Crowleys jacket and smoothed the crinkles he caused.

"If we would go any further and you would in fact get pregnant, there is nothing we can hide. They would know, the second it's created.", he whispered, stroking Aziraphales cheek lightly. The Angel looked down, unfathomable sadness on his face. "I know."

  
  


°°°

  
  


They decided that it would be best for Crowley to take one of his 'business trips'. The Demon wanted to take a nap before leaving and took up the bedroom, which Aziraphale never used for it's purpose. The morning after, the Angel went into the garden again, intending to pluck a few mint leaves for tea. He even chose the best apples of his tree. As he turned around to get inside, his way was blocked by Herold Banker.

"Oh dear!", Aziraphale was quite shocked to see him again, at this hour. He dropped his basket of apples and mint leaves unintentionally. Banker walked towards him, like a predator on his prey. The Angel took a step back, coming into contact with his apple tree. "What are you doing? Surely, you did understand my husband yesterday?", asked, but his words didn't seem to reach the young man. His eyes looked wild. "If I can't have you, no one else can!", he growled, putting his hands around Aziraphales throat, cutting off any possible response to that.

The Angel choked, unable to breathe. "I can't wait for Crowleys stupid face!", he said, smiking in a creepy way, pressing even harder on Aziraphales throat. He felt his vision on the edges go black. One hand left it's position and suddenly there was a blinding pain in his chest. "Just to be sure.", he heard. 

The next thing he knows, he's in Heaven. Netzach had a shitload of paperwork in hand.

"We warned you. The last time isn't that long ago, we told you to be careful with your body. Do it yourself." "I was murdered.", Aziraphale said plainly. "I don't care, do your job.", the other Angel said and dropped a pile of paperwork on the desk before Aziraphale. "There you go." 

  
  


°°°

  
  


Crowley woke up to a silence he wasn't used to anymore. Something felt different. He wandered into the kitchen, noticing the kettle on the stove, still boiling. Aziraphale seemed to have left the kitchen in the midst of preparing breakfast. "Angel?", he asked. No answer. "Aziraphale?!", he tried again, louder this time. Maybe he went outside, he thought to himself. Got distracted by the bloody butterflys or slugs again. 

He opened the backdoor and looked around. "Aziraphale?", he said a third time. At first he didn't see him, but then he detected a pile of clothes on the ground, next to the apple tree. Crowley walked slowly to the tree. "Angel?", this time he couldn't conceal his desperation. It was too silent, no movement. Then he saw the blood. "No!"

Within a second, he was by Aziraphales side. "No, please, you're okay, come on!", deep down he knew it was useless. His friend didn't inhabitat this body anymore. 

"God damn it!", he shouted and flinched a moment later, grimacing over his word choice. "You stupid Angel. Can't leave you alone for a freaking second.", he rambled, stroking a stray lock behind his ear. He registered the basket lying next to him, mint leaves and apples fallen askew. Now he knew, what had felt so different. Aziraphales presence wasn't on earth anymore. 

He took the golden ring from the hollow body lying before him and put it in his pocket. As he looked around for a hint, to find the perpetrator, his eyes landed on Herold Banker, hiding in the bushes. 

The moment their eyes met, Crowley was aware, he forgot to put on his glasses.

Well, won't be a problem for long.

He could feel his anger boiling right under his skin. It ate him alive. "You!", he hissed, pointing at Banker. He stalked over to the hiding figure, who couldn't move even though he tried. "I will **end** you.", that was a promise. There was a very short moment in which he showed Banker his Snakeface. "I- I didn't-"-" **Don't** lie to me!", he stressed the first word more than necessary. 

Crowley was furious, wanted to rip this guy limb from limb, like a child plucking petals from a flower. And he knew he could do so, but it wasn't enough and too bloody. His wings were showing, as he gripped Banker by the neck of his jacket. The kis looked even more scared than before.

"H-Holy-"-"Nothing holy here anymore, M'afraid.", he said and took off, still holding Banker on his cheap shirt. He flew over the clouds, so no one would see them, happy for the first time, that England had more cloudy days than sunny ones and decided for a destination.

"P-Please! Don't do this! I loved her!", he stuttered, full of fear. "Do you even know, that you killed an actual Angel? No, you wouldn't even be able to comprehend that, I'm sure." [11], Crowley said in a lazy tone, finally getting where he wanted to be. "Would you look at that. A nice lonely suicide cliff.", he grinned, letting go of Bankers jacket just a bit. "Any last words?", he said. Banker couldn't say anything, he tried to hold onto Crowleys hands, but it seemd as though he was on fire and let go immediately. "Yeah, I really don't care anyway.", the Demon said and let go completely, dropping Banker like a sack of potatoes. 

"Woops.", he smirked, watching how Banker fumbled in the air, before crashing down and creating a big red splash on the stones, just out of reach for the waves to clean up.

"Well, that was messier than I thought.", he said to himself.

Crowley never went back to the cottage again, he miracled the wedding picture to his own home. 

It would take fifty years, before he saw Aziraphale again. Back in his usual male body. He accepted the ring and wore it on his pinky. They never talked about any of what had happenend in the past, though there were a few times, alcohol induced, where they came very near towards he subject. 

Aziraphale would never know, that and more importantly, how Banker died. He would never know that Crowley locked the painting, showing him and Aziraphale, inside his safe and ever so often took it out to remind himself, why they could never talk about this special subject.[12]

The Angel had never again been a woman, after the incident. That could have to do with the past misogynistic bullshit he had to endure or it was just a selfdefense mechanism. Truth be told, he thought Crowley would just desire him as a woman and as a man, they were safe to be friends.[13]

  
  


  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [1] Crowley couldn't stop himself, this opportunity wouldn't come again.[return to text]
> 
> [2] Living with male gender was just so much easier, noone asked unnessesary questions.[return to text]
> 
> [3] But if he was honest with himself, he noticed Crowley on top of everything else.[return to text]
> 
> [4] Yes, the ring he wears on the pinky of his right hand today. [return to text]
> 
> [5] The same neighbour who invited all those singles for her own small The Bachelor episode, even though it wasn't invented yet. [return to text]
> 
> [6] He was thinking about it.[return to text]
> 
> [7] He still looked like he was poured onto the sofa, something only Crowley could manage.[return to text]
> 
> [8] Truth be told, he had been lying on one of the branches in the tree, absorbing the warm sunrays as a snake.[return to text]
> 
> [9] 'Ah, close enough...', thought Aziraphale. Hanger, Banger, Banker. All the same stupid human names. [return to text]
> 
> [10] If he had looked back at his friend, he would have known, that that wouldn't be an issue. [return to text]
> 
> [11] What he actually wanted to say was "Yeah, me too.", but he would never admit it.[return to text]
> 
> [12] Or maybe he was just masochistic. [return to text]
> 
> [13] He was very wrong about that. Crowley didn't care for gender.[return to text]
> 
> Only one thing to say: I solemnly swear to use linked footnotes in the future in a much smaller amount...holy cow, this took me _forever_...


End file.
